Counting my Blessings

After re-reading my last post, I saw how sad it sounded. I almost went back and deleted it, but I want to remember how I felt.

I DO want to re-iterate though, that I feel blessed.

I am beyond blessed with a precious husband. We are so much alike, yet very different. We are definitely each others' ying and yang, which works perfectly...most of the time. I feel like we were cut from the same mold, which isn't really possible, but whatever. Maybe its because we are both the "youngest"...who knows. I know he's always got my back. Always. I still see the same look in his eye as I did when we met and fell in love almost 20 years ago. Yikes.

I have a precious little girl who is the apple of my eye. I see a lot of myself in her and a little bit of Dennis. I am sure that will change through the years, but that is how I view her for now. She is full of love and if she ever says something hurtful, it's not on purpose...I know that. She is a people-pleaser, if I have ever seen one! She has never talked back to me, said she didn't love me, stomped away, or shown me one tiny sign that I should worry about our years ahead. (again, I know that will probably change)

I have a precious little boy who gives the BEST hugs. He squeezes me tighter and tighter every morning when I go and pick his sleepy body up out of bed. His legs are hanging longer on my body, but I want to never stop picking him up and carrying him out of bed. Then, I might miss those tight squeezes. He runs (literally) to me several times a day and throws himself into me just to hug me...for no reason, and then he will go right back to what he was doing. He is a LOT of Dennis and a little of me. I am okay with that. He is a lover, not a fighter. He is a rule-follower, which is rare in a young boy! He is also a people-pleaser, which I think is rare to have 2 of...?? But, his daddy and I are the same way, so maybe that's where both of our kids get it.

I can cry because I am so loved, not because I am not loved enough. I can be happy because I am blessed with a wonderful family, not because I have enough "things". I can take time to decide which friend to call on, instead of wishing I had a friend at all.

Life is not always sunshine and roses, but I do need to take the time to remember how lucky I am.

Not so Thankful Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving 2012 will go down in the books for me as the most depressing Thanksgiving to date! I am just being honest here...which is what my blog is about. I'm not trying to sugarcoat things on here.

Sadie got a HORRIBLE stomach virus in the middle of the night on the weekend before Thanksgiving. She threw up for about 12 hours straight, every 10-15 minutes. Then, the next day, she started having diarrhea...then, the next day, it was a little of both...the next day was a tad bit better...then, came Thanksgiving Day. Well, we couldn't take her anywhere because she had still been having an upset stomach the day before and she felt AWFUL from not eating for 5 days. So, I stayed home with her while Dennis took Sawyer to Pam and Corky's for lunch. She did help me put up the Christmas tree, but only before a little while when she tired out and had to lay down. Bless her. I remember getting so angry that day because I was feeling sorry for us. How stupid is that? It was just another day. And, to be quite honest, looking back on it, it was kind of nice to just chill out all day and spend time with her in a very quiet atmosphere. But, at the time, I was so sad.

In the midst of ALL of this, Memaw was taken to the hospital, thought to have had a heart attack, which ended up just being an infection around her heart, but STILL...it was so scary and so sad to not have her at home for Thanksgiving. I have never spent a Thanksgiving without going to Memaw and Pepaw's house, so that definitely added to my depression. Thank the Lord, she was okay, and she is back home now, but it was just not a good week all together.

Dennis and Sawyer left for the farm on Thursday night, so it was day 5 of me and Sadie being stuck at home for hours on end. Geez! I can totally see how people get depressed when they crawl in their hole and stay away from all outside things. I hope to never be stuck at home for the many days in a row again!

Looking back on it, (and trying to be positive) I do feel that Sadie and I got closer; reached a new level if you will. We snuggled, chatted, and I got to care for her like I haven't gotten to in a long time. She wanted me and only me for the most part, and that made me feel so good.

Friday morning, we decided to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Sadie still wasn't eating, but we were both going stir crazy, so we decided to grab Rachel and Emma and head to the farm where all of the boys were. It was a beautiful day and it did me some good to get some fresh air. I think it made Sadie feel soooooo much better too!! We had a wonderful day. The Simpsons were all there, Corky, Keith, and Jeffrey/Chance. The kids had a BALL all day long. We just sat by the fire and chatted and had a wonderful time while the boys hunted. After my depressing/pity party-of-a-day Thanksgiving, Friday was welcomed with open arms!

I have not been in the Christmas spirit yet...usually, I am chomping at the bit to get my house decorated, tree up, shopping etc., but for some reason this year, I am just not feeling it. I know most of it has to do with our finances. When you don't have the money to go out and buy the gifts that you want to buy for the ones that you love, it can take a major toll on your emotions, attitude, etc. I am trying (HARD) to focus on the REAL reason for the season and look to Jesus every time I start to feel down or sad. But, for the first time, I can totally see how people can get really down in the dumps during the Christmas season. I have never had to deal with this before, but I am just trying to see what God wants to teach me through all of this.

As Thanksgiving ends, REAL Christmas is beginning. I am willing to put my sadness aside to experience the excitement and magic of the season with my kids. They deserve nothing less! They are already so excited!!! They helped Dennis put up the outside decorations last night and they are really fired up about that.

Here's to a happy, joyful, thankful, learning , and hope-filled season...even when I am just hoping for hope...

Taking a Walk Down Memory Lane...

The kids and I were headed home from Opry Mills yesterday, and I took a detour to Joyce Lane to show them where I grew up. Its funny how I know exactly where to go. I never drove when I lived on Joyce Lane and there are multiple ways to get there, but not matter which way I go, I know every turn to take just like its second nature. Weird.

No matter what mood I am in, I always get the same feelings when I pull up to 606 Joyce Lane. Feelings of sadness, happiness, loss, joy, and lots of love. Even though the current owners have not kept it up to my approval, it still looks just like I remember...the shutters are a different color, the front door is different, the tree that Rachel fell out of is no longer there, and the front porch oddly seems smaller, but everything else is just the same.

This was the house where I remember my sister and I finding real fossils in the stone wall beside the house. We thought that was the coolest thing. This was the house where I broke my big toe in Kindergarten, which Sadie thought was hilarious. This was the house where my sis and I stained the corners of the living room walls with our tears from being in time out. Ouch. This was the house where I would practice piano. This was the house where I remember taking my very first shower and being SO excited to do so! This was the house where I remember feeling a quick tinge of disappointment when my dad told us one year that Santa must've brought all of our toys to the wrong house because everything we got was for BOYS! (obviously, he was just joking, but NEVER tell a kid that! LOL) This was the house where I had my very first slumber party. This was the house where my sis and I would spend hours on any given day building forts in the front living room and promising EVERY time that we were going to sleep in them at night...we never did. Guess we loved our own beds too much! This was the house where my sister and I used who knows what to drill a hole in our closets so that when we were sent to our room, we could talk to each other through the hole. Hilarious! This was the house where we would hunker down in the long hallway during bad storms and my daredevil dad would stand outside on the front porch watching the storm. This was the house where I learned to ride my bike and I would ride for hours, all over the neighborhood. Those were the days. This was the house where my sis fell out of a tree, AND slid down the driveway on her chin after falling off of bike. This was the house where I would set up all of my dolls in my bedroom and pretend to be their teacher. This was the house where I became a Christian. I could go on and on and on...

The one thing I remember, whether it was actually true or not, is that there was lots of love in this house. I don't remember lots of arguments or sadness. I remember lots of love and happiness. Lots of fun times. I love the feeling that I get when I pull up in front of that house. Even if it was only for a few minutes, I enjoyed taking my kids on a walk down memory lane and sharing with them a HUGE piece of my childhood.