3 days after Christmas, we packed up and headed to mom's cabin in Gatlinburg to spend some time away. As you can see from a few posts ago, since we missed out on our annual Hilton Head trip this year, we have all yearned for a getaway together! Like, seriously...I have been physically craving a trip with my family. We knew we couldn't spend a lot, so I asked mom back in November if we could have her cabin for New Years and thankfully, she said yes!
I'm not sure I can even put into words what this trip has done for me. Not only has it brought our little family closer than ever, but it has healed my heart and my soul that have been broken for months. I can barely type this without bursting into tears, but I have been broken for the past 6 months or so. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Just broken. Shattered. My spirit has not only been broken, but stomped on and demolished. I have endured the hardest 6 months of my life and I have been begging God for a break. I needed something to feel renewed. I thought that Christmas did it for me, but I still felt myself fighting "that feeling" for those few days after Christmas.
Now, after 5 FULL days with just my foursome, I feel better than I have felt in months. I am not fighting any feelings away. I feel like me again. I have the drive and desire and the want to improve and make myself better this year. The dread is gone. The sadness is gone. It is like God poured Himself out over me for the past 5 days and showed me what life it all about. I have been more content than I have felt in months. Just spending time with my family has done me better than good. Just when I think that God has forgotten about me again, He unknowingly leads us up a mountain (literally), through a blizzard (literally). and places us on a mountaintop to see the most magnificent sunset I have ever seen. God knows me. He knows I am insanely obsessed with sunsets. So, what did He do? He gave me what my heart yearned for. And, He let me experience it with the 3 people that I love more than life! He let us see and experience the wonders of His beauty in more ways than I thought could happen over the course of 5 days.
I was blessed to say goodbye to 2012 (Praise the Lord) and hello to 2013 with my sweet family by going on a beautiful hike, seeing about 100 deer, driving, talking, eating at our favorite place, and chillin' in the hottub. What more could a girl ask for?
Literally, as the countdown was happening for the ball to drop, I was praying to myself. I was asking God to please, please, please show me what He wants from me in 2013. I am not going to be shallow this year and begin my year only concerned with losing a few pounds as a resolution. I want my resolution this year to be so much more than that. I want to fully and completely seek what God wants from me. He knows how much I hate change, yet He has allowed so many changes in my life over these past few months. So, instead of fighting the changes and being afraid and battling extreme anxiety, I am going to resolve to just trust Him. I saw someone on Twitter say that God has our 2013 already planned and He desires to see us dancing joyfully throughout the whole year, no matter what our plans. So, I want to dance. And, I want to dance with joy.
Thank you mom for letting us have your cabin for this week. You will probably never know what sacrifice you really made by allowing us to take up this week. And, thank you God for letting me begin 2013 with the people I cherish the most. Thank you for bringing me out of darkness into the light and for giving me time to just relax and reflect. Forgive me for not seeing how blessed I am.
So, my word for 2013 is "HOPE". I am hopeful that this year will be better than last. I am hopeful that those around me who are hurting will be healed. I am hopeful that the next change that comes my way will be embraced by me, instead of fought against. I am hopeful that my marriage will only get better. I am hopeful that I will intentionally invest in my children lives. I am hopeful that I will make a difference in someone's life. And, lastly, I am hopeful that I will be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend to all of those around me. I am no longer waiting FOR hope. I am waiting WITH hope.
